Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
