You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
