This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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