Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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