Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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