It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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