So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
