He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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