FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
