Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
