just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
