He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
my poor anus
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