I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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