We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
