One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
