mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
