thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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