it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
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my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
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If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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