Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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