Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
