Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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