i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
