he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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