Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
