dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
