I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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