dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
