he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
