Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
