Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
