Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
