he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize