I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
