She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
