He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I lost the right to judge tonight
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How naked do you want me to be?
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