Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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