Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
