i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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