You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
