who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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