Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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