My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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