I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
