Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
