just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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