Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
