so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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