you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
there is glitter all over my balls
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