He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
