but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
