So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
