just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize