i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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