I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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