Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
