I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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