At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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