i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
