Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
