Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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