Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
