I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
