Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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