why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
